If you’ve already made your mind up about what happens after you die, then this article is not for you.


If you’re like me and still exploring all the metaphysical options out there, then just maybe we can have a little discussion.

Being a forever-student I’m always reading -absorbing various philosophies on what makes us ‘us’.  Admittedly, it is my skeptical lean that allows me to throw out the hoodoo voodoo theories that just don’t quite resonate. Believe me, there’s a lot of rainbow unicorn ancient aliens junk out there that doesn’t make the cut. I’d like to think I’m able to explore the unknown without donning a tinfoil hat. Not yet, anyway.

A while back, I was reading through Gordon White’s Pieces of Eight: Chaos Magic Essays and Enchantments. Rarely do I come across an individual that puts thoughts down on paper that I feel have rolled right out of my own brain. White is one of those authors. Mind you, he does it far more clearly and beautifully than I ever could.

 A theme throughout White’s Pieces of Eight that resonated with me was the idea that modern science has become a religion in itself, ripe with ‘magical’ tones.  Recent developments in such fields as physics, engineering, cosmology, etc. havebe come more abstract in nature. This leaves scientists ‘preaching’ the new tune of ‘we can’t actually prove our hypothesis, so you’re just going to have to believe us.’

These are exciting times. Many concepts once thought of as science fiction or magical are being proven in the research lab.

Magic is just science that hasn’t been figured out yet.

In White’s universe, there is room for all things fantastical and mysterious to exist in what we call reality.

I can buy most of that.
Faeries and dragons aside, perhaps we can apply some of this theory to the final question. What happens to us after we die?

Let’s dig in.

Here comes the neat little illustration I’ve created to explain my acceptance that death is somewhat more ‘elastic’ than once thought.

It starts with a simple phrase – any phrase.

Just think of something – anything – and say it out loud.

I’ll wait.

To simplify things, I’ve broken down the spoken word into three easy components.

  1. The abstract thought or concept (the soul).
  2. The actual physical act of creating a phrase (the body).
  3. The reception of said words to a second party (the legacy).

We can argue all night about just how a thought comes to be. Again, I’ll ‘dumb it down’ because that’s the only way I can understand it. Let’s just say something in the subconscious triggers a cloud of invisible thought. In this illustration we’ll say ‘I love you.’

Next, we have the actual physical process of creating the phrase ‘I love you.’ This includes the electricity of the firing neurons, the air pushed out from the lungs, and the work done by the voice box to manipulate the sound.

Finally, we have the second party’s reception to the words ‘I love you.’ This relies solely on one person’s relationship to the other. Is the other person your spouse or partner? Are they your parent? Child? Perhaps they are an old flame that burned out decades ago. Maybe you’re just yelling at random strangers on the street. The effect will differ greatly in each scenario.

Hopefully, I’ve clearly illustrated how one phrase ‘I love you’ is made up of several different parts – soul, body, and legacy. So, is it safe to say that one single entity can exist in several different forms? Much like water can be frozen solid, a running liquid, or evaporated into the air – are we any different?

Bend your brain just a little bit and think of the universe and all that resides within it under the same light. It can be grasped as merely a collection of energies in all sorts of fun shapes and sizes – forms, if you will.

Apply the example of ‘I love you’ to your own body. It is true that one day the body will die. As far as I know there’s no way around that. But what about the soul? The legacy?

Of course, I’m using the term ‘soul’ only because it tends to be easily absorbed by western culture. The Wah – The Mojo – The Spirit – The ooey gooey star-Nutella that gives us meaning – call it whatever you want. It’s the thing that Christians try so hard to save and the philosopher tries so hard to understand. It’s the electricity to the meat. Sure, we could argue that it’s nothing more than the after-effect of a billion chemical reactions. But that wouldn’t be any fun, now would it.

That brings us back to the million-dollar question:

What happens to us after we die?

I have no clue.

Nobody knows for sure, and if somebody claims to have the answer then they’re probably trying to sell you something.

I’d like to think that death is nothing more than a ‘changing’ of energy – a separation of the different energies that make us. Our body is gone. We no longer have the ability to speak. Yet the ‘thought’ continues – the electricity flows on throughout this weird universe. Does it morph into spirits? Is it caught on the voice recorder of some ‘Ghost Hunting Jackass’? Is it trapped on Earth, doomed to forever walk the halls of a place it once called home?  I’m afraid we’ll just have to wait and find out.

That leaves us with ‘legacy’. That, I can state for a fact, lives on long after we’re gone. Our impact on others is the only way to ensure that we’re remembered. In that sense, we can remain eternal. So, don’t be an asshole.

I find some comfort in this theory. It’s a far cry from the heaven/hell mythology created by ancient white men or the karma-heavy wheel of reincarnation. Yet, it’s not as cold as the ‘lights out’ argument. Until more proof comes my way, I’ll be living in ever-expanding gray area in between.

It helps me sleep at night.

Mystery in McCook: The Death of Ida Fitzgibbons



You don’t have to go far to find a mystery.
For me, it was a single page in a book.

I was reading James W. Hewitt’s IN COLD STORAGE. The book dives into the 1973 murders of Edwin and William Hoyt in McCook, Nebraska. It is a superbly written investigation into the grisly, yet mostly unknown case. However, Hewitt briefly mentions another death that took place in that small town only months earlier. This is the mystery that keeps me up at night.

The Scene:

On the night of April 25, 1973 a woman on the 900 block of West 1st street reported a fire at her neighbor’s house. That neighbor was 80 year-old Ida Fitzgibbons. A fireman reportedly broke into the house, ran upstairs to open some windows for ventilation, and then came back down the stairs only to fall waist-deep into a hole burned into the floor. Next to the hole, he spotted the elderly Fitzgibbon’s body. She was nearly nude. Her lower extremities were burned. Her ankle was broken. A section of clothesline was wrapped around her neck and knotted in the front.  She had been stabbed in the chest with a wooden-handled knife still stuck in her body.  However, at the end of an official investigation, her death would be ruled a ‘suicide’.

The Victim:

Ida Fitzgibbons was a woman that ‘looked 13 years younger than her age’. However, she had  pretty much lived the life of a recluse during her golden years. According to her nephew, John Fitzgibbons, Ida saw no reason to stay in McCook. She was planning on returning to her home town of North Platte, NE, had already bought a house there, and put her McCook home on the market. Tragically, those plans would be cut short.

The Investigation:

You know how the saying goes – ‘at the heart of every conspiracy lies a botched investigation’. Ida’s death was no exception. Again, I have to state my belief that not all law enforcement professionals are idiots nor are they bad at their jobs. We need to realize that they are people just like us and can make mistakes. The guy who makes your sandwich might make a thousand sandwiches perfectly. Yet, if they screw up your order ONE TIME, they will forever be known as the incompetent sandwich artist. However, a death investigation is one hell of a sandwich. That being said, the investigation into Ida’s death is quite the head scratcher. I found myself getting confused just in the TWO pages that Hewitt devotes to it in his book. So naturally, I dug a little further.

First, let’s take a look at the family tree of law enforcement officers that were involved in the investigations. It helps if you have a flowchart handy.  Sheriff William Tumblin and Deputy Sheriff Don Haegen were first on the scene. They examined the house and attended the autopsy which was first conducted by McCook physician Dr. John Battey. According to a report by Tumblin, Battey had concluded that the death was ‘very obviously’ a homicide. And the McCook Gazette ran with this theory in its headlines on April 26th, 1973.

Enter McCook Police Chief Bill Green. Green himself was a former F.B.I man with over 25 years of experience. Allegedly, Green was upset with Tumblin and Haegen’s quick judgment of homicide and promptly had the two removed from the case. He also brought in Nebraska State Patrol Lt. Donald Grieb of North Platte to handle the investigation.  When he was given the case, County Attorney Clyde Starrett said that Ida’s death was ‘probably a homicide’ but decided to put together a coroner’s jury to make the final decision.

This jury remained deadlocked 3-3 and couldn’t come to a decision on whether a crime had been committed or not. So, they turned it all over to the Nebraska State patrol and in December of 1973 the State Patrol sided with the McCook police in saying their outcome of suicide was correct.

According to Green, some of the determining factors included:

  1. All doors and windows were locked when the firemen arrived
  2. The knife wounds seemed self-inflicted
  3. The clothesline had been tied in the front of her neck and loose – making it possible for her to have tied it.
  4. Her broken ankle could have been caused by a fireman tripping over the body
  5. There were no signs of a struggle.
  6. The deceased could have been despondent over loss of a brother and sister, the prospects of caring for an ailing sister, and disposal of house if she moved.
  7. Miss Fitzgibbons had few friends.

Yet the people of McCook were not so convinced. Sheriff Tumblin himself was the biggest critic of the investigation saying that it had overlooked the physical evidence and facts. Tumblin would soon resign from the State Patrol over their handling of the case and continue to advocate for another investigation.

The Hoyt Murders:

Just over five months later on October 3, 1973, human remains were found floating in the Medicine Creek Dam just twenty-five miles northeast of McCook. The dismembered body parts were later identified as Edwin and Wilma Hoyt – a McCook couple that had gone missing ten days earlier.

What was going on in that town with a population just around 7,000?  Was there a bloodthirsty cult of ‘devil worshippers’ running loose? McCook was in a panic. The town went so far as to strongly suggest that Halloween parties be held indoors and at churches. Door-to-door trick or treating was abolished.

Luckily, the Hoyt murders would soon be solved. Harold and Ena Nokes would ultimately be charged with the murders in spring of 1974. Their connection to the Hoyts was that they were Kay Hoyt’s lovers. Kay Hoyt- as in the daughter of the slain couple.  It is my personal belief (and many others) that Kay was involved with the killing of her parents, but I’ll let you read James Hewitt’s book and make your own decision.

But what about Ida? To this day, many question the way her death was handled.  Even Paul Harvey (yes, THAT Paul Harvey) discussed the case on air, stating “It is easy to see why the authorities had difficulties settling the case. The Police Chief was Green. The Sheriff was Short. The coroner’s physician was Batty, and the Mayor was Blank.”


Many people were not convinced of the official ruling of Ida’s death as a suicide. Even then- Governor J. James Exon wasn’t buying it and ordered the release of a 280 page transcript (which I have yet to read) of the original findings. The report was made public in 1978 by Red Willow County Attorney Mike Freeman and clearly noted the problems with the investigation. Also in 1978, A Legislative Committee led by Rep. John DeCamp (who would later investigate the infamous Franklin Cover- up) called out the investigation as inadequate, suggesting a cover-up.  Ida’s death  would inspire two bills before the Nebraska Legislature which would authorize the employment of a state examiner and four district medical examiners who could investigate to determine the cause of almost any death not attended by a physician.  However, the two bills would die due to lack of interest.

To this day, Ida Fitzgibbons’ death officially remains a suicide.


Now, let’s take one more look into this perplexing case.

The last time Ida was spotted alive was by a neighbor entering her house alone at 5:35 p.m. At 6:50 p.m. the fired was spotted and emergency crews were contacted. That time frame allows roughly an hour and fifteen minutes for the act to occur.

When firefighters arrived they claimed that all the windows and doors were locked. However, later the responding official could not remember if he had to cut a screen and unlock a window or not. Fitzgibbons’ nephew John stated that it was Ida’s habit to keep everything ‘locked up’. From what I’ve read, the fire was allegedly started by the burners of her electric stove being left on and igniting the kitchen curtains hanging above. However, according to the map below (from a 1978 article of the Omaha World-Herald), the hole was burned in the middle of the house in the next room. Again, my understanding of housefires is amateur at best, so we will go with the official report on this fact.


Image from the Omaha World-Herald

The knife found in Ida’s chest was one from her own kitchen and the handle was burned so badly that fingerprints could not be taken. All of the knife wounds were on the right side of Ida’s body (she was right-handed) and barely ‘nicked’ the heart. According to Investigator Grieb, the wounds showed signs of ‘hesitation marks’, meaning that the stabber (that’s a technical term) hesitated while inflicting the wounds.

The clothesline around Ida’s neck was allegedly loose. Grieb stated that you could ‘put two fingers between it and the neck’. Unfortunately, the ends of the line were charred by the fire so they could not compare it to some clothesline found in Ida’s basement. No accelerant was found at the scene. All of Ida’s valuables, including her purse were still in the house. Nothing had been taken.

During the autopsy there was no soot found in Ida’s lungs. That suggests that she had died before she could inhale any smoke. There was no blood at her broken ankle wound. This suggests that she could’ve been dead before the injury occurred. Her official cause of death was ruled ‘internal bleeding’ acquired from the stab wounds.

Keep in mind, that most of these facts were reported by Investigator Donald Grieb who was put on the case after Tumblin and Haegan were booted.

In most crime investigations a lot of weight is given to the accounts of those who first arrived on the scene.  Sheriffs Tumblin, Haegan, and even Dr. Battey were all convinced that a homicide had taken place.  One interesting observation is that when a Catholic priest was called in to perform Last Rites on the body, officers observed him “looking at the body … turned on his heels and walked out … no prayers or anything.” This priest later disputed the statement and said that he did offer prayers over the body and he did not feel that the death was suicide.

But can we really put a lot of credence into the observations of first responders? Can not their minds be swayed by the violence and danger of the moment? Shouldn’t we wait until after a proper investigation is conducted before we make our own conclusions? Sure, most of the time. The problem arises in such situations as Ida’s death when we are told that the investigation lacked integrity.

Not much is known about Ida. We can only guess as to her frame of mind during those final days. We do know that, on the day before her death, Ida made two trips. First, she went to a local bank, cashed in U.S. Bonds, then had the cash deposited into a North Platte account she shared with her sister. Next, she met with her lawyer to see about writing up a will. Investigator Grieb thought that these were the acts of a sad woman ‘despondent over the deaths of her kin’. However, her nephew John, said that she had just found out that her siblings had not written out a will and the lawyer told her she could write it whenever she had time. She had the time, so they just did it then. This recollection was confirmed by the attorney’s wife.

It’s hard to believe that an 80 year-old women, with no known illnesses, would commit suicide in such a violent way. This was my knee-jerk assumption, but you know what they say about assuming. So, I looked up some statistics.  According to a study published in the American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology the suicide rate of individuals 65 and older is increasing. Out of the 678 suicides studied 78 (11%) were 65 or older. 12 (15%) were female. While a majority of the cases were people suffering from various chronic conditions 20 (26%) had a documented psychiatric illness with depression accounting for 18 (90%) of these suicides.

Here are the statistics that surprised me. The number one method of suicide was a gunshot wound 66(85%).Hanging, incised wounds, and drowning are all far behind. Overdosing 5 (6.4 %) and carbon monoxide poisoning 1 (1.3%)rates were far lower than I had expected. Statistically, the idea of Grandma peacefully heading into the Great Sleep is a wishful one at best.

Herein lies the rub. As I’ve stated in other investigations, suicide is the slippery variable in the equation. We cannot accurately predict if a person is suicidal or not. Some seemingly happy people kill themselves. Some downtrodden people push through it. There is just no way of knowing.

The case of Ida Fitzgibbons – we are left with more questions than answers. Is it possible that the old woman who lived alone had had enough and decided to end it all? Possibly. Was the investigation into her death a shady one? Known details would say otherwise. And who decided that the investigation was botched? Two Sheriffs and a shocked town?

It’s easy to get worked up over such a tragic event. Our sensibility tells us that there’s no way that an elderly woman would end her life in such a manner. Sometimes we don’t want to digest the ugly facts.  I know I didn’t.

For now, I keep the case of Ida Fitzgibbons in the front of my filing cabinet. Maybe someday more evidence will come to light and we’ll find out just what happened on that April night. But 45 years is a long time for ghosts to settle in the shadows.





In Cold Storage (2015) Hewitt, James E.

The Year They Cancelled Halloween (2006) Sehnert,Walt, McCook Gazette

Murder? Suicide? McCook Death Still A Bizarre Puzzle (1978) Santiago, Frank. Omaha World-Herald

Elderly Suicide: A 10 Year Retrospective Study (2001) Bennett, Allan T. M.D; Collins, Kim A. M.D


[This post was originally published at The Underexplained website on 3.19.18]


[This post was originally published at The Underexplained website on 11.17.18]





‘Ain’t nobody got time for that.’

I’m using the above meme reference on purpose this time. Don’t worry, I’m not going to take the time to get on my soapbox here. Anybody who has ever listened to my podcast, read my articles, or has half a brain shares my stance on how we are living in the cursed era of MISINFORMATION.

Just know that there are many things we can do on our own to PUT A STOP TO IT!

For starters, you can STOP POSTING ABOUT MISSING PEOPLE WHO ARE NO LONGER MISSING! Seems simple enough, right? Then why the hell are my social media feeds full of outdated posts?!

It takes a single click – a simple thirty seconds of work – to verify if a post is correct or not. If a lazy asshole like myself can do it, you can too. That’s why I’m going to start calling people out on this shit!

I get it. We want to feel good about ourselves. In a time of ‘thoughts and prayers’ it’s easy to simply share a missing persons post and BOOM we’ve done our good deed for the day.

However, let’s take a look at the other side of our actions.  Imagine that your child was was missing but now was found. Perhaps they ran away and you were one of the lucky ones that was able to be reunited.  Now, days (weeks, months) later, you’re on Facebook and you come across a post with your child /loved one’s face.  It’s probably going to bring back some bad juju. It’s going to trigger you.

Or even worse, what if your child had been found dead? Once again, here’s their smiling image and it takes you right back to that horrible moment in time – all because some ‘well -intending’ jackass wanted some post karma.


See, I used three exclamation points so it must be important.


Google it. Check a few websites first. There are plenty of reputable sites out there with proper information. Personally, I use websleuths.com or the NAMUS database.

The missing need us to be their voices. They need our eyes to be opened – actively searching for them. The worst thing we can do is spread misinformation during their dark time of need.




[This post was originally published at The Underexplained website on 11.14.2017]


Kenneka Jenkins

Age: 19

Found Dead: September 10, 2017

The world wants more out of the death of Kenneka Jenkins.

At 01:30 a.m. Friday, September 9 Kenneka Jenkins arrived at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Chicago. She was attending a birthday party with friends. Three hours later her mother, Tereasa Martin called 911 and was told to wait longer before filing a missing persons report which she did later that morning. At about 1:15 p.m. the police contacted the hotel to conduct a search for the missing woman.

Approximately twelve hours later, Kenneka Jenkins was found dead in a freezer in one of the unused kitchens at the hotel. Her body was sent off for an autopsy.

This didn’t matter to a world obsessed with getting justice.

Not familiar with this case? Go google it, I’ll wait. You’re certain to come across a barrage of Youtube conspiracy theories and click-bait fueled misinformation. While the world waited for answers, the hotel went ahead and released hours of security camera footage. The online community devoured it.

I had stayed away from it. Then, I was asked by one of the true crime Facebook groups I’m in to take a look at the case. Silly me. I thought that since I had years of experience working with security camera systems I could just spend an afternoon observing footage and then offer my opinion.

Dear God, I was wrong.

It took me several days to get a hold of any raw video. I swam through countless hours of Youtube screenshots full of viewer commentary – reports of ‘ghost’ suspects edited out of the video by the hotel – misinterpreted images of employees carting around ‘black body bags’ – proclamations that her ‘friends’ at the party had locked her in the freezer, etc.

Then came the conspiracy theories.

She was killed because of her involvement with the Black Lives Matter movement.

She was an Illuminati sacrifice -yes, that one is out there.

I shut off my browser and I just watched the raw footage. What I saw was a young woman, very intoxicated and very lost. Nobody is looking for her. Nobody cares. She’s just a broken child looking for a way out of the hotel.

There was no tampering of the video. There was no phantom attacker. There was no conspiracy.

Protests erupted in front of the hotel.

Lawyers called for blood – blood of the hotel, blood of the police.

The internet cried foul.

Yet, at the heart of it all was Tereasa Martin – a mother that demanded answers, rightfully so.

I read through the medical examiner’s report. This is where you can silence all the media. This is where the answer lies in numbers printed on a page. The examiner’s report is where your heart breaks.

CASE NO: ME2017-04241

NAME: Jenkins, Ken’neka L.

AGE: 19

RACE: Black

SEX: Female

What follows is a profile of any daughter or sister weighed and measured to the ounce.

Then, at the bottom:



CAUSE OF DEATH: Hypothermia due to cold exposure in a walk-in freezer with ethanol and topiramate intoxication as significant contributory conditions.


On the same day I read through the examiner’s report, new photographs of Kenneka were released. The unflinching photos showed her disheveled body the way it was found in the freezer. Somehow, they had been posted directly to Kenneka’s public Facebook profile.

We’re upset. I get it. I’m angry too.

But should we let our emotions cloud an objective eye?

It’s a knee-jerk reaction to forgo facts such as ‘paradoxical undressing’ when we come across images of a dead girl with her clothing pulled loose. Paradoxical undressing is when narrowing of blood vessels supplying the extremities cause an increase in bodily temperature. Thus, the victim, burning up, attempts to strip their clothing. This is the last act of someone suffering from hypothermia before death.

‘It can’t be’.

‘She looks like she’s been attacked’.

And more conspiracies are born.

We hop online and spout out theories that MUST be true. The untrained eye sees a spot of fluid on her stomach and well, it HAS to be semen. We need to take a breath and look at some facts.

Topiramate (known as Topamax) is an anti-seizure medication that Kenneka had no prescription for. It can also cause drowsiness and lack of coordination. We know that the medication was found along with alcohol in her bloodstream.

This is our culprit.

The linchpin of this case lies in how she obtained the topiramate/alcohol mixture. There’s been plenty of speculation into this very question. Ever since Kenneka was found, the internet has been flooded with live video/audio captured by the phones of people attending the party that night. Accusations have flown left and right on Facebook and other social media venues.

Somebody at the party that night offered Kenneka a drink knowing that it was ‘spiked’.

That’s where the crime lies.

Keep in mind that the majority of this video has been submitted and studied by the authorities. So far, they haven’t had enough evidence to act on. It’s easy in this day and age to not trust the police. We hear stories everyday where cops are gunning down unarmed citizens or planting evidence. I’m not going to get into the idea that Kenneka’s race is a factor in this investigation, but it’s out there.

I’m not saying we should blindly trust law enforcement. But, shouldn’t we at least give them some time to do their jobs?

Should the hotel be held responsible? Was it negligent in leaving that freezer running in an unused kitchen? Should hotel employees have stopped her from roaming around when she was obviously intoxicated? Will there be justifiable civil lawsuits filed?

I can’t say.

Let’s not let the tragedy of Kenneka’s death be overshadowed by conspiracy.

The true sadness lies in the fact that she was put in such a hazardous situation to begin with. She blindly went to a party with people she considered to be friends. These ‘friends’ dropped the ball – to put it lightly. I find it hard to believe that their intents were not malicious, but we can all agree that certain steps were not followed.

There’s an unwritten code that when you go to a party with friends you look out for each other. That code was broken.

The night I finished researching Kenneka Jenkins’ death I went upstairs and talked it over with my teenaged stepdaughter. We discussed the importance of knowing your surroundings – of being able to trust those around you. I made sure she knew that no matter what type of situation she was in she could always contact me and I’d come get her, no questions asked. We told her to never ever drink a drink she hadn’t made herself.

We can teach our sons and daughters about these dangers. We can open up a dialogue with them.

We can make sure that some good comes out of the tragic death of Kenneka Jenkins.